Dear Starbucks – You are the only one who can help Britney Spears…and here’s how:

Stop putting cocaine in her frappuccinos – no matter how hard she begs.

Give her a job and make her wear a uniform with panties

Start holding her custody court cases at various Starbucks locations in the Valley. She will make it..Trust me!

Delivery. Deliver that ish to her by the freezer load so she NEVER has to leave her home.

Introduce Britney to the new Skinny line of drinks – homegirl is looking large and in charge lately!

P.S. Just in case you don’t save her in time, the AP already has Britney’s Obituary written…